August is upon us and I have made it my mission to exercise every single day. But when I swore my declaration of body-hate independence, my mom asked me, in almost an accusatory way, why bother doing something if I don’t like it?
A very good point. In fact, I consider it a rule of life.
But the truth is, I don’t hate jogging. I hate the deathly humidity we’ve had this summer that has put a major dent in all my jogging prospects. Some people find the heat invigorating. If you’re one of those people, I envy you. Truly, I do. I wish it didn’t melt me into a pile of misshapen goo. But walking, nevermind running, in 100 degree weather is horrid. I don’t enjoy it. So I don’t do it.
However, aside from the unbearable heat, I mostly hate the build-up to get my stamina to a place where jogging isn’t torture, but rather a second-nature daily activity. I’m not looking to be an athlete or to run a marathon. I just want exercise to be a part of my lifestyle. Permanently.
When I look back on last summer, I can’t help but feel a little twinge of frustration at where I was then and where I am now. As far as stamina goes, that is. I started jogging regularly around the end of August right before school started. After a summer full of many nights at the bars drinking with friends (no regrets btw), I was feeling sluggish mentally and physically. So I decided I needed a change. I stopped drinking and slowly started exercising. I honestly thought giving up alcohol would be harder than exercising regularly, but it wasn’t. In fact, it was really easy. And it made a huge difference! Usually I have a hard time keeping myself motivated and on track, but this time around it wasn’t much of a challenge. Maybe it was because I knew I was going to be performing a lot and was stressing about looking good on stage. Or maybe it was because I was expecting my then-boyfriend to be even more supermegafoxyawesomehot after bootcamp. Whatever the reason, it worked. I was diligent and kept myself at a healthy moderate level of exercise.
I want that back.
And I can have it. I strongly believe it’s an issue of mind over matter because I do not think that I am horribly out of shape. In the past few months of getting back in touch with my recovered self, I’ve come to realize that I associate negative self-talk with exercise, which makes me afraid to do it. Who wants to subject themselves to self-loathing? I don’t. It certainly isn’t very motivating or at all nice. I need to break through that fear. I need to break through that chain of negativity we all wear when things get tough. THAT is my ultimate goal for August.
I’ve made a lot of healthy changes this summer and hopefully August will prove to be just as rewarding, even if it is in small doses. I cannot wait to welcome back the brisk Autumn weather with open arms. But until that happy moment, I’ll just chip away at my goal and think happy thoughts.
Misfit Hearts 