Looks like I have new tenants…

A family of spiders decided to move into the house so I’ve been freaking out all day.  They’re teeny tiny, but they are all over the place.  If you know me at all, you know I am deathly afraid of spiders so it been one long 24 hour panic attack.  I had bats living in my apartment this past year, and I would gladly trade spiders for bats any day.  I’m just waiting for the mom to seek vengeance for killing her babies.  It’ll probably kill me in my sleep so if you don’t hear from me after tonight… well… you’ll know what happened.

With that in mind, I’ve been on edge all day, jumping at every tickle I feel on my skin, real or imagined.  So I went for a walk and magically stumbled upon a Dunkin Donuts…

YES I BROKE MY NO COFFEE STREAK.  And you know what?  The guilt lasted about 2.5 seconds.  It was like drinking the elixir of life.  Java Girl was alive and well for a day!  No regrets!  Same goes for the bagel and donut I ate.  Three fear foods in one sitting?  I’m fucking awesome! 😀

Bad part?  I didn’t eat much else for the rest of the day.  My hunger cues have been really out of sorts for the past week.  I’ve been waking up with no appetite.  But I make myself eat, so at least I’m trying.

Anyway I’ve decided to do a 30 Day Recovery Challenge, which essentially will be 30 days of recovery related writing prompts.  I need some motivation and direction.

So without further ado, here is Day 1!

Day 1 – Where are you in your recovery right now? What are some goals you are working on to help you to move forward in your recovery? 

I am in a stable place in my recovery.  I owe a lot of that to being away from the college environment.  I eat much more healthy, don’t drink, and am less distracted by potentially toxic temptations.  That being said, I feel as though I’ve been struggling more with the depression side of the disorder than the physical aspects lately.  This is entirely normal and not to unexpected in periods of recovery.  Eating disorders act as survival tools.  A lot of the time for depression.  This is true in my case.  So when you start to eliminate the mechanism you used to cope with it, the depression comes back to the surface, more intense and you must start to use healthy methods of coping.  The best thing I can do right now is to reinforce the progress I’ve made by utilizing positive coping skills.  For me, I lean toward my creative side so I do a lot of writing, reading, drawing, etc.  It’s also helpful to be open with your supports.  Though, I admit I have had a hard time lately reaching out much so that is definitely something I need to work on.

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