Why do I want to recover? Because I won’t gain anything from losing weight. But I can lose everything. I can lose friends. I can lose trust. I can lose faith. I can lose love. I can lose mintues, days, years. I know because I have and I can never get any of it back.
All the best moments of my life happened when I was recovered. I never got anything I wanted until I stopped measuring my happiness in numbers. Whether they be passions, friends, or lovers, I met all the loves of my life when I let it all go.
And whenever I let the numbers back in, I lose what I love the most, and soon the only thing I’m left counting is the number of people and things I’ve lost to this fucking disease.
I was wrong when I said I won’t gain anything from losing weight. I did.
I gained a lesson.