Write a letter to your body

Dear body,

I’m sorry for taking everything out on you.  Five years ago, and I still remember the day I realized I was killing you.  It wasn’t until I started crying that I heard your cries for help.  I am truly sorry.

But as sorry as I am, I don’t regret all that I put you through – us through.  The scars underneath my skin are no longer open wounds.  I sewed myself up.  I earned those scars.

When I tell you I hate you, what I mean to say is, I hate me.  I hate me for being stubborn.  I hate me for being too sensitive.  I hate me for the things I’ve lost.  I hate me for not paying the bills on time.  I hate me for not running that extra mile.  I hate me for crying.  I hate me for putting my sister through hell.  I hate me for having the life my mom never had.  I hate me for never calling my dad back.  But most of all, I hate me for getting seduced by this disease and being robbed of minutes, days, years wasting away instead of living.

And when I tell you I love you, what I mean to say is, I love me.  I love me for my heart.  I love me for being able to feel.  I love me for my voice.  I love me for not being afraid to say truthful things.  I love me for my tendency to put others ahead of myself.  I love me for my imagination.  I love me for all the thoughts that run through my head, even the ones that keep me up at night.  I love me for my ability to forgive.  I love me for my strength to survive.  I love me for my hope.

You carry all that I love, no matter how many times I’ve had to learn how to walk.

And over the years, the days of I love you began to outweigh the days of I hate you, and soon I fell in love with myself, and when you fall in love with someone, you love them for everything they are – good and bad.

It isn’t easy, but it’s gotten easier.  Thank you for not giving up on me, even when I begged you to let me go.

Lots of love,

p.s. Thank you for stepping out of your comfort zone and taking a chance doing Rocky Horror.  Taking a chance gave me a chance at a new experiences, new friends, and a newfound love for you and myself.


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